Bonjour BP families: 

 

I thought it prudent to share some wise words from one of my CBE colleagues, as she has articulated so perfectly such an important message to share about parents, teens, and social media. She has given me permission to share with our Pinkham community. Thank you to the Principal at Dr. George Stanley School for sharing with other principal colleagues in the CBE. Please read below. 
 
It’s important to have a “parenting relationship” with your tween or teen and the “T” word- technology. They experience a life online that as adults, we could have only imagined. This isn't meant to be about the "evils" of social media- it's about open involvement in your adolescent's online presence, digital citizenship for all, and putting protective factors in place for those times when their developing adolescent brains are on overload. Kids need us more than ever to show them we care, we are interested, and we are involved. 
 
1) Know what your adolescents are doing on Social Media. When I say Social Media, I mean anything where they interact with content, including youtube, Tik Tok, Snap Chat, Instagram, Omegle, Facebook (less common for teens to use in 2023), Discord, google docs and google hangouts, gaming platforms, messaging apps, etc. When I say know, I mean scroll it with them, ask them to share their DMs, group chats, if it’s a game, play it with them, be linked to them on the apps with your own account, ask them lots of questions, maybe even consider a program like Qustodio. (And the second they refuse to share what they are doing with it, pull their phone- technically, no matter who "pays" that bill, 13 year olds don't have registered mobile devices- YOU do- and, it's your responsibility.) It's eye opening for parents when they realize this, especially when an adolescent has been making poor choices with social media. 
 
2) Ensure that they are not connected to people they don't know IRL (In Real Life). Ask them questions about the people they do know. Don't be afraid to speak up to other families if you see their kiddos doing sketchy things online. Remember that it's quite likely that family doesn't realize what their young adult is posting/saying/doing. Come at it from a place of care, a place of "I am not sure if you are aware of this, and..." 
 
3) Educate yourself about the apps and platforms they are using. Have accounts yourself. Know how to use what your kids are talking about, no matter how uncool they tell you you're being. 
 
4) Ensure their profiles are created as "private" AND that they stay that way. As I have said to adolescents and parents, "If I can find your child's account, so can icky people." 
 
5) Actually adhere the age restrictions for different Social Media apps. Most of what your kiddos will start asking you for in Grade 6 probably has a Terms of Service that states the user must be 13 years old to have an account. 
 
6) Repeat items 1-5 REGULARLY. It's not a one and done situation. What they do today they can undo tomorrow and then you're no further ahead and they are no safer. 
 
7) Start today- be open-minded, caring and most of all, be the thoughtful and "protective factor" adult they may not think they need, but they well and truly do. 

 

Thank you all for the continued partnerships as we help our students navigate the tough online world. It is continuing work, and it can be hard work. 

 

Rishma Hajee 

Principal | Bishop Pinkham School